Eat a Dick, AICN

I don't know why I still read AIN'T IT COOL NEWS. Perhaps it's some lingering curiosity for a culture of nerd-dom I've never been nerdy-enough to fit in with, or maybe I visit that site for the same "So bad it's good" vibe people get from watching Ed Wood movies. Aside from the shittiness implied by a site named after BROKEN ARROW (although who's to criticize? My name came from getting high and reading I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and really really wanting pizza), the site's aim is little more than a nerd circle-jerk.The site has some good scoops from time-to-time, mostly coming from poorly written reviews from screener spies desperately to emulate their geek gods with clever names or from filmmakers wanting to promote their films by suckling at Harry Knowles' beastly ginger teat, but there isn't a site on the net that fills me with more pathetic rage than that one.

EXAMPLE:
Harry's weekly DVD Pick's & Peeks. All criticisms of the fact that he can hardly ever release the thing on time aside, the feature is so clearly rushed in it's attempts to be clever and all-encompassing most blurbs are little more than "This movie's awesome," or "somebody said it's gonna be great but I've yet to get my fat-ass around to watching it." The thing that confuses me the most with the column is how he posts things that he thinks sucks and has no intention of watching. At times, it seems to be an attempt to make the column seem comprehensive, but others it feels more like he's pandering the culture of nerd water-cooler talk, like this week when he included DISASTER MOVIE on the list. Here's what he wrote:

"So fucking bad, that I won’t even allow it to link to put money in my pocket. Shit so bad, that I won’t even profit from it. THAT’S BAAAAAAAAD!!!"

Sure enough, there's just a blank link for DISASTER MOVIE. If you just wanna trash shit, than that's fine. I'm all about trash talk in movie, music and whatever discussions--keeps things interesting--but at least attempt to have something to say, to be somewhat interesting or profound. Otherwise, who gives a shit?

Still, that's better than when he puts pornography on the list, which is usually followed by some "I'm-trying-to-be-vague-but-not-really" reference to his sex life with his wife. Glad he found somebody, for realz, and more power to 'em, but do we really need the mental images? I surely don't!

I hope that the differences between that site and this one become clear. I definately have my nerdish obsessive tendencies, and I too am hiding behind an internet moniker to write because I'm too apathetic/undisciplined to seek out a real writing job. But I feel like if we're going to talk about pop culture the way that we do, we have to strive for a greater depth than AICN does. It's not enough to wear a pin that says "I'M A NERD AND I LOVE IT," and write whatever shit that comes out of your brain. You have to elevate the discussion a bit above, "I LOVE IT" or "THIS SUCKS," otherwise, what's the point??