Pathetic Transference

All this shit with Tiger Woods has reminded me of two things. I don't really know how they're connected beyond the loose connection of people going strangely batshit over celebrity gossip, but here goes...

#1. WHEN PEE WEE GOT BUSTED. I was a little fellow when Pee Wee got caught masturbating in a porno theatre, and they yanked my favorite show off the air. The silly thing about yanking him off the air like that, was that a fuck of a lot more kids learned what "masturbating in a porno theatre" was (albeit couched in fuzzier, friendlier words) than would have had they left it on the air. It's not Pee Wee would have begun talking about jerking it on the air, or watching porno movies on a very uncomfortable Chairry, or even teaching your kids about the wonders of taking your penis out in public. The show would have gone on, and us youngsters probably never would have been the wiser. But we've got this wacko need to feel morally close with our celebs, like maybe we could hang out if we ever happened to bump into each other. I know people that talk about celeb dating choices (or other personal actions in their lives that have no relevance to us) as though they're talking about a close friend about to make the same tragic choices in life. I know people who's REALLY upset because Kate Hudson is dating this A-Rod fellow!! Why the fuck do you CARE? I have a hard enough time caring about my own personal life, let alone someone so far removed from my own existence.

#2 THE DAY ANNA NICOLE SMITH DIED: I was working a temp data entry job, and the news broke as our shift was starting. We all had these weird expressions of glee on our faces when we broke the news to our coworkers... everyone seemed genuinely excited that this woman none of us knew personally died. A coworker, who had already heard the news, marched in and announced, "The Bitch is Dead!" Later, WWTDD (won't link to the article directly, you sick SOB) posted these pictures that came out of Smith naked and covered in vomit, and most of the comments said things like, "Damn, looks like the bitch had oatmeal for breakfast," and shockingly few seemed particularly upset that they were looking at a picture of a dead woman.

I admit, the loss of Anna Nicole Smith was no great lost to our Earthly culture, but I don't understand when being insignificant in the grander scheme turns you into a villain. Smith was someone who wanted to be famous, and used the only thing she had to do so: sex. I know there's an inherent resentment in some people against women like her, either stemming from insecurity or jealousy, but really all you need to feel for her, I imagine, is pity. I'm not saying pity because she sold her body and that violates some moral code. I say pity her, because that's all she had. The only thing she really had to get by on was her body and the proceeds from that. Why are you so offended by the fact that so many people jerked off to her Playboy's back in the day, or that she was SO stupid on that reality show? No, "gold digger" is not an acceptable reason to vilify someone, because I guarantee you that old man got what he paid for (I see nothing wrong with some lonely old rich man paying some foxy young woman to marry if he wants. Hell, that's what I'd do if I had money + no one else).

I'm not really criticizing people for enjoying tabloid gossip. It provides a soap-opera sort of entertainment, akin to good tv show or a trashy book, that can be pretty fun. I'm as guilty of that as anybody. But every time I hear a coworker or associate talk about this nonsense (my friends get a pass, because I have exceptionally witty friends), I feel like I'm being forced to watch someone else's kid sing a song, which isn't nearly as cute or prodigal as I was led to believe.